100 Pun Wands

1. Wand of Disguise Self: Has one charge of Disguise Self
2. Wand of Disguise Elf: Disguises the nearest elf as the wielder
3. Wand of Dis Guy’s Elf: Summons a house elf. Original owner may be annoyed.
4. Wand of Diss Guys Elf: Summons an elf that criticizes all male characters for 1d4 hours
5. Wand of Summon Familiar: Summons a small animal familiar for 1d4 hours
6. Wand of Summon Familia: A family member of the wielder appears
7. Wand of Some Unfamiliar: A cluster of unfamiliar people and objects appears around the wielder
8. Wand of Counterspell: Has one charge of Counterspell
9. Wand of Counterspell: A loud voice counts all the objects and creatures in the room
10. Wand of Counterspell: Conjures a large kitchen work surface
11. Wand of Feather Fall: Has one charge of Feather Fall
12. Wand of Feather Fall: A single feather falls to the ground
13. Wand of Unimaginable Power: Makes the wielder unable to imagine powerful things for 1d4 hours
14. Wand of Unimaginable Power: Makes the wielder able to imagine power they could not previously imagine for 1d4 hours
15. Wand of Remove Blind: Removes the Blinded condition
16. Wand of Remove Blind: Removes all window coverings
17. Wand of Create Wand of Create Wand: Creates a wand of create wand, which can create a wand of create wand, which creates a random wand
18. Wand of Magic Missile: Has one charge of Magic Missile
19. Wand of Magic Miss Isle: Summons a beautiful half-elf wizard woman wearing a sash declaring her the winner of this year’s Magic Miss Isle pageant
20. Wand of Bare Soul: Causes the target to unburden their soul and really open up for 10 minutes
21. Wand of Bare Sole: Causes the target’s footwear to vanish
22. Wand of Bear Soul: Summons a spectral bear friendly to the wielder for 10 minutes
23. Wand of Guise: Allows the wielder to assume the illusory guise of a creature they’ve seen in the last 4 hours for 1 hour
24. Wand of Guys: Summons 1d4 guys. They are very confused about how they got there.
25. Wand of Great Acts: Allows the wielder to perform great acts for 1d4 hours (DM discretion)
26. Wand of Greataxe: Summons a greataxe. Everyone make a Dex save!
27. Wand of Justice: Has one charge of Zone of Truth
28. Wand of Just Ice: Conjures a lovely ice sculpture
29. Wand of Mage Armor: Has one charge of Mage Armor
30. Wand of Mage Armoire: Conjures a wardrobe full of wizard robes in a variety of colors and sizes
31. Wand of Mage Amor: Causes the wielder to flirt with all spellcasters they encounter for 1d4 hours
32. Wand of Hex: Has one charge of Hex
33. Wand of Hecks: The target can only use PG swearwords for 1d4 hours. Oh, fork!
34. Wand of Wave: Conjures a wave that crashes against the target (must make a Dex save or take 2d6 bludgeoning dmg and be moved 20ft backward).
35. Wand of Wave: Conjures a spectral hand that waves enthusiastically at everyone for 1d4 minutes.
36. Wand of Message: Allows the wielder to send a message of 20 words or less to anyone within a 50 mile radius
37. Wand of Massage: The wielder feels relaxed and their tension headache is, like, totally gone!
38. Wand of Speak With Plant: Has one charge of Speak With Plants
39. Wand of Speak With Pants: Exactly the same effect as Speak With Plants. Except it’s pants.
40. Wand of Fog Cloud: Has one charge of Fog Cloud
41. Wand of Frog Cloud: You create a mass of airborne frogs in a 20-foot radius centered on a point of your choosing within range for up to 1 hour.
42. Wand of Flying: Has one charge of Fly
43. Wand of Drying: All the wielder’s clothes feel fresh out of the dryer.
44. Wand of Lying: The wielder is incapable of telling the truth for 1d4 hours.
45. Wand of Suggestion: Has one charge of Suggestion
46. Wand of Suggestion: A voice gives the party helpful suggestions about what to do for 1d4 hours
47. Wand of Dancing Lights: Has one charge of Dancing Lights
48. Wand of Dancing Lights: Conjures a disco ball, flashing lights, and music with a sick beat
49. Wand of Shocking Grasp: Has one charge of Shocking Grasp
50. Wand of Shocking Gasp: A chorus of voices gasps dramatically whenever the wielder takes an action for 1d4 hours
51. Wand of Color Spray: Has one charge of Color Spray
52. Wand of Color Spray: Conjures a bottle of wash-out color hairspray (d4 = 1 – hot pink, 2 – blue, 3 – green, 4 – orange)
53. Wand of Detect Thoughts: Has one charge of Detect Thoughts
54. Wand of Detest Thoughts: Target has -1 Int for 1d4 hours and resents smarter characters
55. Wand of Security: Locks any doors and windows in the area
56. Wand of Security: Summons 1d4 security guards who try to throw everyone out of wherever they are right now
57. Wand of Clear Thoughts: Target has +2 Intelligence for 1d4 hours
58. Wand of Clear Thoughts: Target can’t remember what they were about to say for 1d6 minutes
59. Wand of Free Action: You can use this wand to take one additional action on a single turn.
60. Wand of Free Action: You’re not a number, you are a free character! Nobody can tell you what to do!
61. Wand of Detect Thots: The user knows the location of any promiscuous women within 1d4 miles.
62. Wand of Cone of Cole – summons 1d2 + 2 people named Cole. They are assembled in a cone shape, and disappear after 5 min.
63. Wand of Portable Ram: Conjures a portable battering ram
64. Wand of Portable Ram: Conjures a pocket-sized adult male sheep. He is adorable.
65. Wand of Stickiness: Conjures a sticky patch in a 10ft radius around the wielder that counts as difficult terrain
66. Wand of Sticky-ness: Wand transforms into an ordinary stick.
67. Wand of Ultimate Magic: Conjures an item (d4 = 1 – bouquet of flowers, 2 – rabbit, 3 – string of silk scarves, 4 – a scroll that says ‘ABRACADABRA’)
68. Wand of Disarming: Causes target to drop all weapons
69. Wand of Disarming: Target’s arm falls off (effect at DM discretion if target does not technically have arms)
70. Wand of Prestidigitation: Has one charge of Prestidigitation.
71. Wand of Pestodigitation: Choose one – create smell of pesto, flavor up to 1 cubic foot of nonliving material pesto flavor for one hour, or make the recipe for pesto appear on an object or a surface for 1 hour.
72. Wand of the War Mage: You gain +1 to your (spell) attack bonus and ignore half cover when attacking.
73. Wand of the Warm Age: Can alter time for a 1′ cube area. When activated (one charge), a time dilation field is produced. Over the span of one minute, the interior experiences 3 months of time, and is kept at a uniform 85 degrees F.
74. Wand of Healing: Restores 2d6 + 2 HP.
75. Wand of Heeling: charms all canine targets in a 30 foot radius.
76. Wand of Heal -Ing: restores 4d4 + 4 HP, but only to targets that end in -ing, be it name or creature (halfling, wyrmling).
77. Wand of the Jokester: cause glasses and a mustache to appear on a person’s face, as well as enlarging their nose. Person must talk and act like Groucho Marx for 1d4 minutes while using the wand like a cigar. ‘I’ve hurd of casting a charm spell but making some as charming as me? Now that’s just unfair.’
78. Wand of Silence: one charge of Silence
79. Wand of Silence: Summons Specter Librarian who shushes anyone who speaks. Will attack anyone talking over a whisper after a few warnings. Librarian will not leave unless you sign up for a library card.
80. Wand of Burning Hams: Summons 2d6 flaming hams that are flung at the target. Target must make a Dex save, taking 3d6 fire damage on a failed save and half as much on a successful one.
81. Wand of Earning Hands: Gives the wielder advantage on Sleight of Hand checks for 1d4 hours.
82. Wand of Cowhide Boots: Summons a pair of boots that give the wearer +5ft of speed.
83. Wand of Cow Hide Boots: Cows and cow-like creatures become invisible to the wearer. Better hope you’re not fighting a minotaur!
84. Wand of Invisibility: Casts Invisibility… on the wand.
85. Wand of Cure Light Wounds: one charge of Cure Light Wounds.
86. Wand of Sure Like Wounds: Grants recipient +1 to attack and damage for each 25% of HP they have lost. Effect lasts one minute
87. Wand of Find Steed: one charge of Find Steed
88. Wand of Find Steve: The caster must make a DC 10 Perception check to see a man named Steve nearby in the shadows. He seems ready to help do what he can. It is never clear whether Steve was summoned by the spell or just happened to be there at the right time.
89. Wand of Hold Person: one charge of Hold Person
90. Wand of Hold Person: a human man appears before the target, spreads his arms, and hugs them firmly yet tenderly.
91. Wand of Old Person: the target ages to a venerable age for their race.
92. Wand of Fireball: one charge of Fireball
93. Wand of Fireball: conjures a fifth of spiced liquer
94. Wand of Turn Undead: 1d4 undead turn 1d4 direction in unison
95. Wand of Turn Undead: turns the target undead. If already undead, they turn into a different type of undead creature.
96. Wand of Knowledge: grants 1 prophetic insight to the wielder
97. Wand of No Ledge: a random ledge in a 50 foot vicinity disappears.
98. Wand of Gnoll Edge: summons a snarky gnoll dressed in black leather with spiked hair.
99. Wand of Cone of Cold: one charge of Cone of Cold
100. Wand of Crone of Cold: summons any old lady who laughs knowingly before disappearing in a burst of ice. Anyone within 15 feet must make a Dex save or take 1d6 cold damage.

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